Thinking back 25 years

With the 25th anniversary of the space shuttle Challenger disaster today, I've been thinking of my life as a 17 year old high school senior. I had my first boyfriend, had my first kiss on the beach in the moonlight. I had gotten my driver's license. I was looking forward to graduation. I thought I had all my decisions made. Then my grandpa (dad's dad) was admitted to the hospital, then my grandma mom (mom's grandma). They both passed within weeks of each other. They had both made a huge impact in short 17 years. I've lived more years without them then I did with them, yet there is still a void left by their death. I know death is part of the plan. I know that there is a life after this one. I know this earthly life is just a short span of our eternal life. But still 25 years later there are times that I really miss them both.

My great grandma was born in Glory, Texas. Strange to now live just a few hours from where her life began. She moved to Oklahoma before relocating with her husband and family to Long Beach California. Five and a half years ago I relocated back to Texas with my husband. I feel like I've come full circle. My Grandma Mom (My mom called her mom) always asked me when I was gonna quit getting so beautiful. Back then it embarrassed me. But it gave me something to hold onto as I struggled with my own self confidence. She was a wonderful person. A tom boy who broke the rules. A girl whose brother choped off her finger. I loved listening to her stories. I look at my own daughter now and catch myself asking her when she is going to quit getting so beautiful. I think I'm finally understanding my grandma mom. Oh how I love her and miss her little wrinkly body and strong bold personality. She lived a long 95 years and I love forward to our eternal reunion.

Pancakes, regrets and decisions. Those are the things that grandpa taught me. Pancakes with grandpa make everything perfect. I remember going to his house for made from scratch pancakes. I wish we knew his recipe. But it wasn't the recipe that was important. A new generation has been eating pancakes from the next generation grandpa. Like his dad before him, my dad makes pancakes for his grandkids and great grandkids. They might come from a box, but like I said it wasn't the recipe that was important, it was the man making the pancakes that the overabundant amount of love that he put in them. Regrets, he had none. I don't know anyone who could say that about their life. But when I was 11 years old I overheard him after my Grandma Vada's funeral say to a family member that he had no regrets. Sometimes that revelation will stop me in my tracks. I can't say that I have no regrets but I try harder thinking of grandpa. And 25 years ago, lying in a hospital bed, having pulled his own tube out of his throat twice, he decided his time was done. He wanted to tell all of his grandkids that this was his decision not our parents. I was the first. I went in with my mom. He held my hand and told me that sometimes you have to make decisions in life. Later that evening after seeing all of his grandkids, he left this mortal exsistance and joined his beloved wife in the eternities. There have been some major decisions that I have made in the last 25 years and each time I hear my 90 year old grandpa telling me you have to make decisions. I have prayed to my Heavenly Father and asked his opinion of my decisions and then I always take a moment of silence to ask grandpa.

While we all know death is part of this life I still sit here fighting back the tears thinking of these two very important people in my life and all the wonderful things they taught me in 17 short years. Today I think about the families and friends of those 7 astronauts. I'm sure they were all touched in different ways by those seven. I'm sure the 25 years have not erased their heartache. I hope today as they stopped to reflect back, they had memories as wonderful as mine.